Inedible Ink

Hemispheres | Fiction:

“Maybe it’s a Hefalump, said the bear, round yellow reassuring and at once categorically stupid, as had been his ancestors and their ancestors before them, whose heads were like his own stuffed with the raw inexorable stuff of cotton and the history of cotton (this was before the Disney time, the great up-buying in which the sum total of the woods and their impossible animals had been swept away and transformed into something else; woods known since before anyone had thought to keep record as Thousand-Acre, just as the house where they had always lived was known simply as Pooh Corner and just as the sign in front of it had always read Trespassers Will with no explanation nor likely to be one) which was theirs forever. He said, We could follow the tracks.”

washingtonpost.com: Looking Back At Broken ‘Dreams’: “‘If you think about it, we were the first reality series,’ ”

A ten-year anniversary retrospective on the subjects of the basketball documentary film “Hoop Dreams”. Free registration required.

Let the record show that one week ago I bought a new garage door. When I returned home, the old garage door self destructed and sprung itself on the top of the van.

How the old thing knew it was to be replaced I will never understand, but the spring snapped (a tremendous metallic pop) unwound (a loud spiralling scream) the door came hurtling down its track (a chattering rush) and landed on the roof, which went from convex to concave (a thunderclap of warping sheetmetal) and back again to convex (the same warping sound but in reverse).

The time it took for me to understand what was happening and react should probably be measured in fractions of seconds, but it was precisely two and a half feet. This is the length of the scratches on the roof of the van, the distance I continued forward with the garage door resting on the roof.

This is the garage door of which I’ve written before, the door with the unfortunate ‘point of no return’ and the origin of the need for the phrase ‘buy a bigger crowbar’. So sad that I don’t get to see it when it burns.

Our President, in addition to his other more palpable impacts, will leave us with a forever changed language.
“Misunderestimate” will never go away.

Not to be out done, my girls have a few of their own:

Lizzie has uncovered the undeniable truth that “towards” is actually an action verb. In the car, underway, “Is the car towardsing Grandma’s house yet?”
“I am towardsing the mirror so that I can see myself.”

Tia has renamed the new Volkswagen bug, it is henceforth to be known as a “Bump Car”

T has also noticed that there is nothing especially clean about whistles, so while everyone knows that you can be “Clean as a whistle.” Tia knows that you can be “Dirty as a whistle” or “Pretty as a whistle.” as well